harsh cold world....

had a really bad day. maybe becos i stressed over the class posting issue too much, when i got posted into a class i didnt want, i soon developed a bad headache and became breathless in the afternoon. i see no place for me in the class. the guys of the class are like stragners who form cliques among themselves le. and im not joking about changing class.

im starting not to like the new environment. no one seemed to care abt my condition. eventually, the councillors brought me to the sick bay. say im jealous, i dont care: abt 20 min later, a PRC girl who seem to be suffering from menstrual cramp was brought into the sick bay as well. some time later, her frens (PRCs) skipped lecture just to come to visit her and bring her back to the boarding school. and there i was, hoping some1 will visit me. and apparently, after the councillor sent me to the sick bay, no one followed up abt my condition. i was left to sleep. and i was sent in at abt 3 plus, and i was left alone. when i woke up, its 7. no one visited me. no one called me up. so ppl just walk away.. the room was so cold, though its so stuffy. and the admin ppl at the beginning was so calculative, saying that i can stay here only for 2 periods, 1 hr 40min. no one even came back to check if i 'overceeded' the 'time limit'. i just have to grapple my way out of sch and go home, BY MYSELF.

though i was in a dizzy state, i do know that choon boon who happen to walk by bothered to come in to take a look. and ppl who are not closely related to me like ai wen bothers to send me sms-es asking me to get well when im sick and asking me to cheer up when i was feeling really down. why if ppl who are not closely related can bother so much, close frens cant do the same? is it becos i expect too much? or others just dont bother. dont say they are unaware of the situation. im pretty sure that my exit from the hall was obvious enough for some ppl who are close to me, and he happens to be in the class beside. and im just a phone call away. stop giving excuses.

i received an sms at 6.40 plus, saying that he is going home already. unforunately i was still sleeping. when i read it at 7, i replied. and the reply i receive back was that hes gone already. i have always waited for him, and confirmed that if he doesnt want me to wait, i will leave. but there wasnt any confirmation at all this time. just.. walk out...

i begin to quetion my place in other ppl's life. i conclude that im just a tool - being manipulated arnd, used when needed, discarded aside when not used. ppl only look up for me when they need help. no one look up for me when i feel down, when i need help, when im sick. when i need company. when i feel lonely.

just when i most need your presence and company, you walk out on me... leaving me alone behind....